Beginning a relationship is generally the easy part; it's maintaining the connection that gets a little tricky. That's why a growing number of twosomes (whether or not they've tied the knot) are going into couples therapy as a preemptive strike against the tough times that will inevitably hit... and to learn how to keep the good times flowing. To give you a leg up in your love life, we asked the country's top relationship experts to share the most crucial things they've uncovered over the years -- from big-picture philosophies to little gestures that go a long way. These practices will help keep your union in a happy, healthy place.
More Dating Articles from Cosmopolitan:

* What Men Do Not Understand About Women
* Five Signs You're Just Not That Into Him

1. Act Out of Character. Couples develop a particular dynamic: the way they relate to each other that repeats itself over and over. If you break that pattern and act against type -- in a positive way -- you inject new life into the relationship. For example, if you always get angry at your guy when he doesn't follow through on some chore, try addressing him in a nicer, more friendly tone, then thank him when he does a good job. It works every time. -- Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia

2. Get in Touch a Lot. No doubt you hug and kiss each other. But simple acts like stroking his arm while you're watching TV and taking his hand when you're walking down the street are also ways to bond. Touching your partner throughout the day triggers your feel-good hormones, which reinforces your affection and makes you feel closer on an instinctive level. -- Psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples"

3. Take Turns Talking. To make sure you both get a chance to state what's on your mind during a disagreement -- and get your points across -- alternate playing reflective therapist, where one listens while the other talks. -- Psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of "Opening Love's Door"

4. Find the Intersection. When making decisions together, try to find common ground. You each should write down exactly what you want. Let's say you're angling for a vacay in San Francisco to see the sights and hit up the cool shops and restaurants, while he wants a tropical getaway where he can veg out by the pool and sip drinks with umbrellas in the glass. Now that your desires are clearly laid out on paper, you can pick a place that will satisfy both your needs. A cool city, a little sun... how about Miami? -- Paul Dobransky, MD, author of "The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love"

5. Be More Positive Than Negative. There's a more effective way to air grievances than to file an angry complaint. Sandwich your negative comment between two positives. If you want to complain about how he's always late, for example, try something like "You know, I love that you're so laid-back and easygoing, but it really bothers me when you show up so late. I'm sure you can still be the fun guy I adore and also be on time." -- Los Angeles psychologist Yvonne Thomas, PhD

6. Echo Each Other. When you and your man are having a serious relationship talk, it's easy to get so caught up in how you want to respond that you're not really listening to what's being said. That's why it's important for both of you to repeat each other: so you know you've been heard and you feel understood. -- Yvonne Thomas

7. Take a Time-Out. Neither of you is perfect, and the quirks you both have are here to stay. So rather than let those annoying traits work your last nerve, try to get in touch with the upside of those particular flaws, even if it's not immediately recognizable. Instead of getting annoyed when he starts screaming at the TV, for example, remind yourself how much you love his passion. Or if his shyness with new people bugs you, think about how refreshing it is to be with a chill, genuine guy rather than a blowhard who needs to chat with everyone in the room. -- Denver psychologist Jennifer Oikle, PhD, dating coach for Coupling Connection

8. Have His Back. You might not agree with your guy when he's had a riff with a friend or he thinks his boss is being unfair, but you should always be on his side... and vice versa. Otherwise, you'll both feel like you can't count on each other. That doesn't mean you have to take the "you're so right" route all the time. Just hear him out, and let him know that you'll support him no matter what. -- New York City psychotherapist JoAnn Magdoff, PhD

9. Spend a Little Money on Each Other. You don't have to wait for a special occasion to give small presents to show your love. In fact, gifts are more fun -- and meaningful -- when they're not expected. Try to get into the habit of exchanging sweet tokens of appreciation for no particular reason. Don't go and blow your paycheck though. It's not about being extravagant; it's just a way of showing that you really get -- and think about -- each other. Maybe you buy him a tee of his favorite band that you saw on sale or he gets you a pair of pajamas in your favorite color. -- Barton Goldsmith

10. Be a Good Date. Face it, no one can stay fascinating forever. After being together for a while, the initial excitement fades, and your guy can start to get kind of boring sometimes. Hey, don't think you're off the hook -- if you're feeling a little ho-hum about him, the feeling is likely mutual! To combat the blahs, take turns coming up with an interesting date idea every month. Keep the time and details to yourself, and try to think outside the box -- dinner and a movie is not exactly innovative. An awesome concert or a snowboarding lesson, for example, is a much less predictable treat.

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10 things we over pay for

You can save big by buying cheap alternatives instead.

Does the avalanche of news about layoffs, business losses and a declining stock market have you looking for ways to cut your spending so you can beef up your savings? We're here to help, with suggestions for less-expensive alternatives to ten everyday purchases (for more ideas, go to www.BillShrink.com, which tracks cell-phone plans and credit cards).


Afternoon snacks. Do you munch protein bars as a healthier alternative to a chocolate pick-me-up? You could easily be paying more than $2 per bar and consuming just as much sugar as you would with your favorite candy bar. Stock up on fruit for a fraction of the cost when you do your grocery shopping. You'll be fitter and save a bundle.

Bottled water. Yes, it's important to drink water every day. But picking up the bottled variety with your lunch is an expensive way to stay hydrated. Rather than spend $2 a day for water, buy a pitcher and a filter for about $20 and drink as much as you want for pennies a glass.


A caffeine fix. Can't get through the day without at least one cuppa Joe? Stopping at Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts can set you back as much as $1.65 per cup. Splurge on a pound of gourmet coffee for $8 to $13 and you can make 40 cups for about 20 cents to 33 cents each.

Favorite tunes. Do you rush out to buy the latest CD by your favorite group even though there are only one or two songs you really like? Instead of paying up to $18 for the CD, download those cuts you want from iTunes for 99 cents each, or from Amazon for as little as 79 cents.

A night at the movies. An evening for two at your local theater costs an average of about $20, including the popcorn -- and closer to $30 in major cities. And that doesn't even count the babysitter. For just $5 a month, you can watch two movies from Netflix or pay $9 for unlimited viewing. If you're willing to wait a little longer for new releases, borrow them free from your local library.

Fresh flowers. A bouquet of spring blooms brightens up a room and your mood. But purchasing it from a florist at $25 and up can quickly put a dent in your budget. Check out your local grocery store, which offers a selection of seasonal bouquets for $5 to $10.

Fruits and veggies. Sure, precut vegetables and salad mixes that are washed and bagged save a little time. But you'll pay for the convenience. Broccoli florets and sliced peppers cost $6 per pound, compared with one-third to one-half the price for the uncut versions. Lettuce varieties that are pre-washed and bagged sell for $5.98 a pound. But it takes just minutes to wash and spin dry enough arugula for your evening salad, and you'll pay one-third as much. Buying whole strawberries rather than sliced ones that are prepackaged cuts the price by 75%.

Credit-card fees. Every month, millions of credit-card customers pay their bills late, and they're assessed as much as $39 each time. Set up an automatic debit and you'll never incur another late fee.

ATM fees. Each time you use an out-of-network ATM you pay an average of $3.43. Do that once a week and you'll rack up almost $180 in ATM fees every year. Avoid those charges by selecting a bank with a large ATM network or an online account that reimburses your ATM fees -- such as the eOne no-fee account from Salem Five Direct bank. Another alternative: Get cash back at the grocery store.

Fax and mail services. Instead of paying FedEx $1.49 to fax one page, sign up to send free faxes from a provider such as faxZero or K7.net. Save on shipping with the U.S. Postal Service's priority mail service. You'll pay just $4.95 to mail an envelope or small box anywhere in the U.S., and your parcel is likely to arrive within two days. Larger packages cost $10.35. That saves at least 50% compared with UPS's two-day service, the cost of which varies by weight and distance.

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% 50$ per hour earning jobs

imagine that every hour you spend on the job makes you fifty dollars richer; two hours, and you're up to three figures; a year of full-time work, and you've got a six-figure salary. Fifty-dollar-an-hour careers net eight times the federal minimum wage. Only five percent of Americans command this kind of money. With the right online degree, you can be one of them.

The following career paths will give you $50-an-hour earning power.

1. Pharmacist Earnings (2007): $48.31/hour $100,480 salary

Health care workers are gaining earning power by the day, as an aging population boosts demand for qualified professionals. Pharmacists play a critical role in long-term care regimens, dispensing medications and advising patients about their use, possible side effects, and interactions with other drugs. Demand for pharmacists is expected to grow by twenty-two percent through 2016.

A licensed pharmacist holds a Doctor of Pharmacy degree. The qualification, which has replaced the bachelor's degree in Pharmacy, is much more accessible than a medical or doctoral degree. It begins with the standard two-year undergraduate core curriculum, followed by four academic years (or three calendar years) of professional pharmacy career training. About a quarter of the Pharm.D. program is dedicated to hands-on training in a clinical setting. If six years of college education seems daunting, consider embarking on a pharmacy technician career with a two-year associate's degree, and pursuing your Pharm.D. online while you work.

2. Actuary (Management & Technical Consulting) Earnings (2007): $51.48/hour $107,080 salary

In the wake of two major economic bubbles--the 2001 tech revolution and the 2008 mortgage crisis--better risk analysis suddenly looks like a good idea. The private sector is already putting renewed emphasis on calculating and hedging risk. Actuaries specialize in risk assessment, analyzing statistical data to calculate the probability of different outcomes and forecast risk.

Numbers are the basis of an actuary's job. A bachelor's degree combining mathematics and business courses offers the best preparation for actuarial work. Some online degree programs offer a specialized program in actuarial science, but a bachelor's degree in statistics, corporate finance, economics, or business will also offer the appropriate career training. Job opportunities look strong through 2016, with 24 percent growth predicted across the industry. The Department of Labor indicates the most optimism for health care and consulting firm jobs, where demand and earnings are highest.
3. Marketing Manager Earnings (2007): $54.52/hour $113,400 salary

While engineers and industrial designers develop a company's goods and services, marketing managers determine how to make money from these products. Marketing professionals develop pricing strategies, monitor market trends, and oversee the presentation of the product. They are, in effect, the liaison between the company's product or services and its customer base. As a marketing manager, expect to add management and leadership skills to your job description.

Marketing managers may enter the field in a junior position with a bachelor's degree, preferably in business administration. But to advance to the $50-an-hour club, head onward to a master's degree in business administration. The MBA is widely available online to accommodate working professionals. Many aspiring managers will start on the ground floor as a marketing associate and gradually build the experience and qualifications for a management role.
4. High School Principal Earnings (2006): $44.70/hour $92,965 salary

K-12 education administrators enjoy the perks of a teaching career--helping students, summers off--without the "labor of love" salaries. In fact, the administrators at the pinnacle of their profession earn close to six figures. High school principals develop and coordinate the school's program, implementing a curriculum, monitoring students' progress, and managing the school's budget.

Administrators often start their careers as teachers and work their way up to a leadership role as they gain the necessary experience and credentials. A master's degree in education administration (M.Ed.) is the standard qualification for a principal's job. These degrees are available online, making them accessible to working teachers.
5. Petroleum Engineer Earnings (2007): $54.75/hour $113,890

Engineers command the highest starting salary among bachelor's degree holders--and petroleum specialists rank at the upper end of the engineering salary spectrum. Demand for qualified petroleum engineers is expected to soar in coming years, as energy issues dominate the national agenda. Petroleum engineers create and optimize methods of extracting and processing oil and gas.

A four-year bachelor's degree in engineering is all that stands between you and a petroleum engineering career. Look for a program with a specialized energy or petroleum engineering curriculum. Hands-on design and development training offers the best preparation for a $50+/hour career in R&D.

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Anti aging food

1. Produce

Piling your plate with fruits and vegetables is a no-brainer when it comes to weight loss — they're low in calories, high in nutrients, and filling — but the latest studies show that certain ones can provide surprising anti-aging benefits.

There's buzz about blueberries, for instance, for their memory-boosting potential. But berries of all hues are antioxidant-rich, reports Navindra P. Seeram, Ph.D., assistant professor at the University of Rhode Island College of Pharmacy in Kingston. That means they combat free radicals, molecules that can cause widespread cell damage and are linked to chronic inflammation. Unlike the inflammation that occurs when you sprain an ankle or strain a muscle, the type that contributes to aging is persistent, and thought to be at the root of most chronic diseases, from cancer, heart disease, and diabetes to Alzheimer's, arthritis, and osteoporosis. Berries' beauty bonus: They're chock-full of vitamin C, another potent antioxidant that may help keep your complexion looking smooth by fighting those pesky (skin-damaging) free radicals.

To keep your vision sharp, set your sights on spinach and other dark leafy greens. These veggies are prime sources of lutein and zeaxanthin, plant pigments that protect your eyes from the harmful effects of ultraviolet light. Leafy greens are also rich in vitamin K, a nutrient that plays a role in reducing bone loss and preventing fractures.

How to Pick the Perfect Produce

2. Protein (Try these One-Dish Dinners)

This key dietary component becomes even more critical starting in the 40s, when muscle mass begins to decline by up to 1 percent a year. That drop slows metabolism, which makes the pounds pile on more easily. The double whammy consequence: Added weight puts your health at risk, and down the road, diminished muscle mass can throw off your balance (upping chances of a fall), sap your strength, and even threaten your ability to recover from an illness or accident.

To hang on to your metabolism-boosting muscle — and keep you feeling full after meals (another protein plus) — experts recommend eating plenty of skinless chicken and turkey breast, lean beef and pork, eggs, beans, and seafood. And don't forget protein-rich dairy: Minerals (primarily calcium, phosphorus, and potassium) in fat-free milk and yogurt as well as low-fat cheeses help to keep blood pressure healthy, pudge in check, and bones strong. News flash: Calcium can't build bone if you're not getting enough protein, and current recommendations — about five ounces a day for a 145-pound woman — are too low, says Robert P. Heaney, M.D., professor of medicine at Creighton University in Omaha. Our Anti-Aging Meal Plan provides about 11 ounces of protein daily.

Another reason to spoon up some yogurt: Eating at least 1/4 cup every day led to a 60 percent lower risk of gum disease and a 50 percent lower risk of tooth loss in a Japanese study published in the Journal of Periodontology. The effect is thought to be linked to the probiotics in yogurt, but not in most other dairy.

Easy Yogurt Breakfast Recipes
Cut Up a Chicken the Easy Way

3. Omega-3-Rich Fish

Fatty acids in seafood help quench the flames of chronic inflammation. In addition, "there's very good new data suggesting that omega-3 fats from fish act on an area of the brain that leads to improved mood and attitude among healthy people," says Artemis P. Simopoulos, M.D., author of The Omega Diet. These improvements in outlook lead to feeling healthier and more vigorous, she explains. The omega-3s in fatty fish like salmon and tuna have the most potent anti-inflammatory effects. But it's smart to consume omega-3s from plant sources, like walnuts and flaxseed, too — especially if you're not fond of fish.



4. Whole Grains

A 2008 review of these diet-friendly foods — which include whole wheat, oats, and brown rice, and the bread, cereal, and other edibles made from them — concluded that a meal plan loaded with whole grains helps you stay slim, thanks, in part, to fiber's role in appetite control. Their low rankings on the glycemic index (a system that rates the effect of different carbohydrates on blood sugar levels) may also play a role.

A raft of research has also shown that whole grains offer protection against diabetes, heart disease, stroke, colon cancer, high blood pressure, and gum disease. These benefits are tied to the array of vitamins, minerals, plant chemicals, and again, fiber that work together to promote health. (That's why refined grains, which filter out these nutrients during manufacturing, and add some back later in the process, don't offer the same advantages.)

5. Exercise

It's an anti-aging bonanza: Being active maintains muscle mass, boosts metabolism, and keeps your heart and lungs primed, among other benefits. Now, a recent study has found that running, in particular, promotes a long, independent life. Researchers at Stanford University School of Medicine followed a group of runners and non-runners for 21 years and found that elderly runners put off age-related disabilities for 16 years beyond their non-running counterparts. Runners also lived longer: 19 years into the study, only 15 percent of them had died compared with 34 percent of the non-runners. And the active ones were less likely to die from heart disease, stroke, cancer, and neurological conditions. While this study examined running, 30 minutes of more moderate aerobic activity, five days a week, will keep you healthy, according to recently released guidelines from the American Heart Association and American College of Sports Medicine. What should also be on your fitness agenda: strength training twice a week to maintain muscle and keep your metabolism humming.

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Update Your Fitness Gear with GHRI-Tested Picks

6. Red Wine and Other Drinks

What other diet recommends red wine? Ours does because the ruby beverage's resveratrol is a potent antioxidant, inflammation damper, and artery protector. Plus, animal research suggests that high amounts of resveratrol may counteract cell death in the heart and brain, which could mean this compound has even greater potential to prolong your life. Limit yourself to one five-ounce glass a day; more could be harmful.

If you're not a wine drinker, no worries: Put on the coffeemaker or the kettle instead. Coffee appears to lower the risk of type 2 diabetes and Parkinson's disease, and evidence suggests that java drinkers have a lower chance of dying from heart disease. Some of the benefit may come from caffeine, but coffee also contains chlorogenic acids, antioxidants that might also play a protective role. Drinking tea may lower your risk of heart attacks, strengthen your immune system, protect tooth enamel, and help fight memory loss associated with aging. Choose green, black, white, or oolong — their leaves all come from the camellia sinensis, or tea plant. And their polyphenols (antioxidants), fluoride, and caffeine — which are thought to contribute to these health benefits — are largely missing from herbal brews.

Two Secret Age-Defying Treats

They seem like diet no-no's because of their calorie load, but dark chocolate and a handful (not a canful) of nuts have longevity and weight-loss benefits.

This just in: Nuts give you a surprising diet edge. A recent study found that despite being a high-fat, high-cal food, they don't promote weight gain. The reason: People find nuts filling and after eating them, offset some of the calories by eating less later on. Best of all, up to 20 percent of the calories in nuts don't get absorbed.

Craving something sweet? Dip into dark chocolate. The latest evidence suggests that cocoa flavanols (more predominant in dark chocolate than milky versions) may lower inflammation, keep blood pressure in check, prevent platelets from clotting (which could, in turn, prevent strokes and heart attacks), and boost brain power.

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